“I didn’t think you’d agree.”
“Then you should’ve let me disagree.”
“What else?”
“I turned down another offer: more money, worse hours.”
“I didn’t think you’d agree.”
That slowed me down.
“So this really is about being home.”
“Yes.”
“Then why didn’t you trust me with that?”
“Because I thought if I came to you with a finished plan, you’d see I was serious.”
“No. I saw a husband who’d already chosen a state, a job, and a start date without me. Stop treating Olive’s stability and my business like details you can solve after the main decision.”
“Yes.”
His eyes dropped.
“And don’t ask me to move yet.”
“Chelsea.”
“I’m not refusing Oregon. I’m refusing to be carried into it.”
***
Days later, he asked if I’d visit Oregon with him.
I said no.
“I’m refusing to be carried into it.”
Then I changed my mind, for me, not him.
“I’ll go,” I said. “But I’m going to decide what this move would cost us, not just what it could fix.”
***
Oregon annoyed me because I didn’t hate it.
I wanted Oregon to confirm every reason I had for saying no.
Instead, I liked the neighborhoods, the parks, even the bakery near our hotel.
Then I changed my mind.
And that scared me more than I expected.
Because if I liked it too, then Oregon wasn’t the problem.
The way Ben had chosen it without me was.
Ben caught me watching families cross the street with strollers and soccer bags.
“You like it.”
“I like that people seem to walk places.”
“That’s progress.”
“You like it.”
“Don’t ruin it.”
***
That evening, we had dinner with a few people Ben would work with.
Halfway through the meal, someone smiled at him.
“Your wife must’ve been thrilled when you negotiated Fridays.”
I turned.
“Fridays?”
Ben’s expression changed.
“Don’t ruin it.”
Outside the restaurant, I stopped him.
“What did you negotiate?”
“One Friday off every month, for me and Olive.”
“Why didn’t that make it into the paperwork you gave me?”
He exhaled.
“Because I was doing what I always do, Chels. Figuring it out alone. I was also trying to be home.”
“What did you negotiate?”
“Why Fridays?”
He hesitated.
“Olive said I always work on fun days.”
